I finally had a chance to get in some festival time last week. Not one to do things half-ass, I ran around to four festivals in two weekends. First up: Winona Steamboat Days where I watched the 63rd annual Grand Parade. Honestly, I had low expectations. Small town parades can be dull, especially if you’re an outsider and not personally acquainted with the fire chief, Butch’s Transmission Service, or Sadie’s Hair Salon. I was pleasantly surprised, however.

It looked like all 27,000 Winonans turned out for the parade, lining both sides of Broadway for a mile or more. The seemingly endless succession of floats takes more than two hours to complete its circuit, with the usual suspects like clowns and marching bands and Sadie’s Hair Salon, but this one also had a couple of surprises: an old steam calliope and a woman riding a bison. And you thought bison were only good for hamburgers. The parade is a fun celebration of Winona as it is today, with only a token nod to its past. And that is my only complaint. Winona Steamboat Days not only lacks a steamboat, it has almost nothing to do with the river anymore. A rescue boat pulled around on a trailer just isn’t enough for me. But, the parade is fun in its own right and you should go.

See pictures from the parade here.

The next weekend had great promise, too, with a period festival, an ethnic event, and another parade. Bay City is a small river town on the Wisconsin side of Lake Pepin. Each June they give visitors a taste of 19th century life with Pioneer Days, where locals dress in period attire and show off the 19th century way of making things: butter, cider, rugs, and music. Events like this often feel manufactured and hokey, but the folks in Bay City did a fine job of keeping it real. I just wish others would realize it too, so they could attract a bigger crowd. At least I can make my own butter now.

You probably wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Stockholm, Wisconsin was founded by a group of Swedish immigrants, so you shouldn’t be surprised to find out that they throw a big party in the summer to observe a Swedish High Holy Day: MidSommer’s Day. The festival celebrates the summer solstice and the long summer day with dancing, singing, and Ole and Lena jokes. Alas, my attempt to run around and squeeze in a bunch of festivals in one day worked against me here. There was a decent-sized crowd in town when I arrived, but most of them were just your typical Saturday daytrippers passing through and unaware of the solstice party they were missing. When the summer solstice pole arrived for decoration in mid-afternoon there were only a handful of us present to do the actual work of carefully placing flowers between the vines (something that should be done while wearing tie dye). In early evening, the pole would be raised with great fanfare, storytelling, music, dancing, and the ceremonial cutting of the lutefisk, but I didn’t have time to stick around for all that, so I missed out. They also had three Swedish bands scheduled to perform that evening, which I obviously missed out on, too. This is one event I probably need to go back for.

I finished my festival tour with another small town parade, this one at Waterski Days in Lake City, Minnesota. Waterskiing was invented by18-year old Ralph Samuelson of Lake City when he strapped two pine boards (8 feet long by 9 inches wide) to his feet and held on to a rope as his brother hit the throttle of a boat on adjacent Lake Pepin. I have to give credit to Lake City for truth in advertising: they have an actual waterskiing demonstration on Sunday (but I really think it should be every day) and the parade included a couple of guys on rollerskates being pulled behind a boat like they were actually waterskiing. Plus, it was raining while they were doing this, so they were actually wet!

The most bizarre part of the parade for me was the fairly large contingent of campaigning politicians (and other clowns). I confess to being both perplexed and annoyed by the sight of one of the politico’s supporters carrying a sign complaining that ACORN registered felons. I’m sorry, but with two wars in progress, an economic crisis, immigration controversies, and health care costs skyrocketing out of control, if it’s ACORN you are most worked up about, you need help.

One of the food vendors was selling something called an Uff Da Taco. I’m sure that picking on the Boy Scouts who were selling the tacos makes me insensitive and unpatriotic, but this turned out to be a poorly named product. What would you expect from an Uff Da Taco? Would it be the standard seasoned ground beef and shredded cheese that is thrown on top of fried bread instead of inside a taco shell? That’s what I got. In fact, it was basically the Navajo taco I had last year in Arizona and, last time I checked, no Navajos express dismay by saying “Uff da.” When I asked if the taco included lutefisk, they wearily answered “no” as if every smartass who ever passed the booth had asked the same damn question, which they probably did. Hey; it’s your own fault. You need to add some lefse or adopt a different name.

To see Lake City parade pics, go here.

Bad Decision of the Day: Kwik Trip breakfast. You know you’re desperate for food when you are hoping to get to Kwik Trip in time to grab one of their breakfast sandwiches. After a late night with friends, I slept in, then rushed to Kwik Trip for something to eat because there just weren’t any other options in town. I opted for egg, ham, and cheese on an English muffin, which mostly tasted like salt and paired it with fried potato logs that tasted mostly like sugar. The food sat heavy in my tummy, yet predictably, I was hungry again in about an hour. Sadly, I’ll probably do it again anyway.

© Dean Klinkenberg, 2010